so i’m tripping out more and more every day that i’m going to graduate. what makes it worse is when i see my sister and her friends in my newsfeed. i can’t get over the fact that they’re in COLLEGE. ya’ll are looking too grown. can you stop? you make me feel old. and want to dress you up in hello kitty pajamas or something. this must be what it feels like for real mamas x100. i don’t even want to think about kids, but my bio clock must be what’s making me react extra when i see babies. nooo can you not? i literally go “aww i want babies OHHELLNOIDONTNOTYET” all in the same second. can time just slow down a bit, please?

even with all this happening, as much as i kid about not wanting to grow up, it’s all pretty exciting any way. college has been such a huge life-changing influence in my life it’s hard to believe it’s time to go. life won’t be in neat little packages after this, although sometimes we’d like to imagine they’d be just so that it’d be easier: work, marriage, kids. i think it’s uncomfortable to imagine freedom. uncomfortable to imagine not being in a bubble of classes, meetings, friends readily available within a mile radius, a party next week, financial aid check in the mail. uncomfortable to live without my planner which might have a measly hour on saturday dedicated for myself. penciled in. it’s uncomfortable because it’s hard to recognize, much less prioritize, the real simple things i want, which are to have some time to do yoga, to take my family out to something nice, to FINALLY go on an outdoor adventure with wooden. i want freedom, it’s just a matter of breaking free of this small, restricted area of comfortable i’ve settled myself into. which oddly enough isn’t comfortable at all. because i feel like i want something more. or… maybe something less. something that’s just simpler.

all this reflection because i saw a picture of julie’s friend in a minidress with a can of beer in her hand. oh, girl. oh, life.